finishing a book

I finished my Cold Tangerines book; a feat in itself (finishing books is). I have about five books around me that are all waiting for an ending. This book was good; soul food. I appreciated the positive words Shauna Niequist said to reinforce my attitude towards embracing life. And, I appreciate it for the for the friend who gave it to me. I see reflections of her graceful life echoed throughout.

It's difficult to find things to fill each day, and not be disappointed over my last week, or last five months, or my frustrated attitude. I know we all struggle with these disappointments on a daily basis, so I hope this excerpt from the last couple chapters of this book soothes your spirit like they did mine:

I know that life is busy and hard, and that there's crushing pressure to just settle down and get a real job and khaki pants and a haircut. But don't. Please don't. Please keep believing that life can be better, brighter, broader, because of the art that you make. Please keep demonstrating the courage that it takes to swim upstream in a world that prefers putting away for retirement than to putting pen to paper, that chooses practicality over poetry, that values you more for going to the gym than going to the deepest place in your soul. Please keep making art for people like me, people who need the magic and imagination and honesty of great art to make the day-today world a little more bearable...Do something creative every day...

...there is another reality. A better one. Hope and redemption and change are real, and they're happening all around me. So, I choose to act out of that reality, because the other one makes life too hard, day after day. Life is painful and we carry with us so much disappointment and heartbreak. But I'm fighting to save some space inside me where I can create hope.

I actually copied this passage down last night because, for some reason, I knew I would need to read it today; somehow it would feel more relevant if I posted it to my blog today. And, this afternoon I was turned down for another job; one I really thought I had nailed: Disappointment. However, tomorrow I start the process again with another interview in the morning: Hope.

I intend to find the job where God can use me to glorify him. It's really hard to be resilient; to wait this long and shine with creativity, and patience, and be selfless, and joyful, but I know I am headed in the right direction; learning lessons of patience, selflessness, humility, and such along the way.

Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up. -- Chinese Proverb --