my observations

Hunting down jobs is like going after a bee with a pitchfork.

In general, life is a mostly sunny day.

When I type a " :) " I really, actually, physically smile.

presentation and reception

Recently, I have been reflecting on the art of gift-giving and, more pertinent to my place in life, receiving.

I was a pretty good volleyball player in junior high and high school. Often times, after games people would give me compliments and I would brush them off or bring up all the errors I could think of. Finally, one evening, my dad told me that I should say 'thank you' and accept the compliment.

You would think I learned my lesson about being a gracious recipient from that point on; and it certainly gives me reason to pause and appreciate what other people give to me. However, I have walked around with a conception throughout my life that it's ok for me to extend myself toward others, but I don't need to receive anything back.

I love to send notes and letters. I feel guilty about how many birthday cards I am sending with 'belated' wishes, or not at all. I know what it feels like to get a "real" piece of mail in the post. I like to send thoughts, prayers, wishes.

But, here I am, more recently, learning again, to be so grateful for a little encouraging e-mail I might receive, for all the people who have let me stay in their home for a night, or a week, or more, for the occasion to have lunch out with a friend, or for the Starbucks card that shows up in the mail, or stopping by some one's house for an hour, or a few. It is certainly nice to be thought of; nice to know people take time to remember me. Instead of feeling bad that someone went out of their way for me, I remember what I feel like when I give something to someone else. We are blessed to bless others.

This concept was emphasized on Sunday when we were all given a challenge to bless others because we are blessed, based on Matthew's Great Commission. This also ties in with "to whom much is given, much will also be required," and the concept of philanthropy or tithing. When we are endowed with gifts or treasures, we should give back.

One more thing I found valuable last Sunday: Jesus uses the broken people in the Bible; he also uses us.

fog

It has been cloudy, and rainy, and foggy for the last couple weeks. It's that kind of long spell of typical-winter-darkness here, in Western Washington, that prompts the weather folks to predict a sun spotting "tomorrow" for ten days in a row.

I can probably estimate the amount of bright stuff in the sky to be in the vicinity of under 4 hours since I returned from my road trip. Not that I mind. The clouds are sort of comforting in a strange sort of familiar way; after all, this locale is the closest thing I have to "home."

I took some pictures of the fog this morning on the water. Before I ducked into the coffee shop, for a morning on the internet with my double almond latte, and while I briefly walked through the chilling clouds around me, I drew an immediate parallel to the low-visibility in my own life. I felt as if I was peering out into the white fuzz of my limited right-now-knowledge; understanding that the sun, and the clarity it brings, are just a few feet above or beyond me.

This afternoon was the first time the haze blew off for the entire afternoon. Something of an "Ahhhh" moment happened; you know, like in the movie Finding Nemo when the Sydney Opera House comes into view and, every time through the course of the film, an operatic chord is played (by the way, that's really the sort of feeling it gives you to see that architectural wonder). That is sort of how it felt today to put on my sunglasses. I knew there was a reason I had been carrying those around for a couple weeks! I cannot wait to have that moment again when I find a job!

hope

Patience is more than endurance. A saint's life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says--"I cannot stand anymore." God does not heed, He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly. Trust yourself in God's hands...
-- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest --

I have always found a place for this passage in my life. I re-read it again, for the first time in a long time, today and feel hope to be let lose when God's time is right.

interesting animation

I recently bumped into this German video. It's an eight minute animated short film that puts time into perspective. I couldn't help thinking of the verse: "ashes to ashes, dust to dust." But, watch it for yourself: Das Rad (The Wheel).

Other modern day life-applicable messages that I have found in culture recently:

Regarding the phrase, "don't rock the boat":
...sometimes, a boat needs to rock; a boat needs to head straight for the heart of a storm and come out on the other side, weather-beaten, but with flags flying. -- book: marisa de los santos --

Flying by the seat of our pants...often turns out to be the best way to fly. -- book: marisa de los santos --

A lot of great things come out of messy and complicated things. -- tv: brothers and sisters --

There's no weakness in forgiveness. -- tv: friday night lights --

A longer life isn't necessarily a better life. -- 1st presbyterian church, bellingham --

all i want for christmas

twelve, joyful friends.

eleven, bars of chocolate.

ten, networking contacts.

nine, prayers answered.

eight, boxes unpacked.

seven, charming men.

six, member family.

five, photos published.

four, kitchen chairs.

three, job offers.

two, more continents.

one, home that's not so temporary.

filling in some gaps

If you have not noticed, I took an unplanned break from the blog recently. First, I have had very little going on except trying to pin together some December holiday plans (still not nailed down) and attempting to work through a number of difficult frustrations from the second half of this year.

Last night, I got back from my weekend in British Columbia and, while unpacking and cleaning, listened to this song that accurately describes my heart:

I’ve had questions without answers,
I’ve know sorrow, I have known pain.
But there’s one thing that I’ll cling to:
You are faithful, Jesus, you’re true

In the lone hour of my sorrow,
Through the darkest night of my soul,
You surround me and sustain me;
My defender forever more.

When hope is lost, I’ll call you Savior.
When Pain surrounds, I’ll call you healer.
When Silence falls, you’ll be the song within my heart.

And, I will praise you.
When the tears fall, still, I will sing to you...
...Like a well in the watered garden who’s springs never fail.
You’re the spring that never fails.
When the Tears Fall -- Newsboys --

While understanding the difference, I have been able to feel the difference between "happy" and "joy" this year. Happiness comes and goes throughout our life situations. Joy sticks around. I am wishing you to find that feeling of JOY for the holidays, too

poly-what?

I recently was disgusted at myself when I realized I bought eggs in a poly-styrene carton a couple weeks ago. I couldn't believe I accidentally took a dozen of these fragile orbs home in, what is better known as, styrofoam. I am the shopper who will spend a few extra cents for the cardboard package. And, I'm the person who decided this summer that I should avoid smoothie stands that only have styrofoam cups for their beverages and pass on church coffee in styrofoam cups.

Polystyrene is one of the worst man made materials to dispose of. It is not recyclable (except in very specific places and under specific circumstances) and it does not biodegrade. It's a substance that is made for the sole purpose of being "disposable;" but the irony, is that is does not "dispose" of itself in a landfill.

Did you know that: "Polystyrene packing peanuts are banned [in Antarctica] under the Antarctic Conservation Act" (National Science Foundation). A number of cities and states are working on bans for polystyrene take-out packaging (see NY Times article on Portland below).

So, what can you do to help the situation?

one. Avoid purchasing polystyrene products. Also steer clear of items that are packaged with polystyrene.

two. Kindly suggest to your churches, businesses, and friends that they should look into alternatives to polystyrene products. Paper products are nearly as economical and much more biodegradable and there is nothing wrong with using the "real" plates and cups! It just means you might be the dishwasher!

three. Be an advocate and write companies who use polystyrene packing materials. Encourage them to use starch-based, cardboard, or paper products to cushion their merchandise for shipping.

I believe we have moved to the other side of the Information Technology Revolution and are heading towards a Sustainability Revolution on a global scale. I invite you to be trendy and do your part.

Here are a couple of links to pro-active earth-friendly companies and ideas:

Wikipedia's explanation of polystyrene.

Treehugger.com on the the best coffee cup.

The Fairmont Eco-Meet Program.

The Antarctic Conservation Act of 1978 (671.2, 671.3, 671.12).

Naturopack: Sustainable Packaging.

Portland, Oregon passes a Ban on Polystyrene Foam Items.

modern messages

As I am looking towards moving along one of these days in life, I found a couple of quotes in current television shows that I thought were applicable:

Samantha Who?: Surround yourself with people you admire, who admire you.

Life on Mars: Please God, I don't know where I am and I feel completely lost. I know now you answer prayers, so I am asking, please, help me find my way home. Thank you. Amen."

right now I am...

feeling...
overwhelmed and under-stimulated.

enjoying...
whitecaps on the ocean.

wondering...
if I should sell the contents of my unpacked boxes.

listening...
to the sounds of an espresso machine and quite ebbs and flows of conversation.

drinking...
an almond latte.

wanting...
to move forward.

loving...
freedom to go places.

looking...
for a different place and time.

Thanks, Kris.

this is still my father's world

It's a very rainy day in Western Washington.

I was turned down for another job I had hopes of interviewing for.

A school near Port-au-Prince in Haiti collapsed during classes. The suburb of Petionville is where the orphanage I volunteered at this summer is located.

The unemployment rate in the United States is the worst since 1994.

But...

I had a great week with Sara (the Space Needle photo is from her living room).

My Honda Civic, now 6.5 year old (yikes!) still gets better than 34 miles per gallon!

I received an amazingly uplifting, well-timed, e-mail from a friend today.

I am going bazaar-hopping tomorrow with a group of girls; go figure.

There's always a great cup of coffee out there somewhere!

God is good.

crazy day

What a crazy day! I found it both amazing and disconcerting that so many American voters were so emotionally moved on Election Day. It's wonderful to know that people care to vote and take the time to invest in the candidate of their choice. I wish I were a little less cynical, but, put in perspective, this energetic day will, in the end, be a memory; and likely lead to "just another president of the United States."

Obama was exactly right in his speech when he said not everyone would agree with the decisions he makes all of the time. He will, undoubtedly be the next target for the news media attacks that examine his every move and word. But, he is the next leader of our country and as citizens, we are required to respect his leadership; not every particular issue he takes on, but who he is. I appreciated what he said to those who did not vote for him: "I'll be your president, too."

My night was a lot of fun. I drove to Seattle and met up with my sister, Sara. I found my way on the guest list of an "intimate acoustic performance" with Brett Dennen by being one of 150 people to e-mail in last week. So, the two of us took the bus to the W Hotel in Seattle. We found seats by a table with a couple glasses of wine. The event included hors d'eouvres (which was great since I missed lunch) and a champagne toast when the results were announced. Brett played a little, and then we would watch the coverage, play a little more, and then listen to Obama's speech. What a great way for a musician to spend an evening celebrating our freedom and right to vote!

After the evening came to an end, Sara encouraged me to get my picture with Brett, so I took my turn. She snapped this shot right after I told him I had listened to his music in Antarctica. Yes, a dorky attempt to make a connection with someone, but it did yield this interesting photo of the short dialogue.

Sara and I were walking back toward the bus stop to catch a ride back to her place when we heard a lot of people and saw a number of police cars up ahead. It turns out that a large number of people (nearly entirely between the ages of 18 and 35) were rallying up Pike Street. A couple blocks up the street, we realized the bus would not likely make it along the normal route, so we followed the crowd and snapped a number of photos.

The crowd stopped at Pike and Broadway and filled the streets. News helicopters were flying overhead, police blocked off the intersection, flags were being waved, champagne bottles tumbled down the sidewalk, and the energy from this group was absolutely electric. From this point we realized we were going to have to walk all the way back since no buses would make it through that mess. We left the rally before people could potentially turn the it into a less civil party and finished what turned out to be a 2 mile walk. Now, I can tell my children that I remember when I had to walk two miles uphill, in heals, at night because the transportation system in Seattle was compromised on the night Obama was voted president.

moving along

This week I have decided to put some priorities on paper, list out some goals, write down my 'options' for the near future, and such. So, here are a few things that I am looking forward to when I find that new job:

one. Sinking into a new community.

two. Finding new friends.

three. Unpacking my boxes.

four. Generating a sustainable income.

five. Experiencing self-worth through work again.

six. Being independently me.

seven. Reciprocating hospitality given to me.

eight. Indulging in the purchase of a queen-sized bed.

nine. Reflecting on all the amazing places I went and people I saw during my time "off."

ten. Spreading the news to people who care about me.

I'll expect about seven of the items; and hope for all 10!

maple leaf

I have a special affection for maple leaves. This does not come, as some of you might guess, because of my half-Canadian nationality. I enjoy this particular leaf because growing up I spent many hours climbing in an enormous maple tree that grew in my back yard.

I remember being scared at first to have dad boost me up the base and climb in it. And, then, as I got a bit taller and braver, and with the addition of a knotted rope up the middle of the trunk, I found myself spending more and more time up there. Matt (much less cautious than myself) and I would often be up there with some of the neighbors for hours; climbing to new heights or testing out new branches.

When the leaves started changing colors we would mop them up into piles. Mom helped rake them up for us to jump in, run through, and redistribute around that portion of the yard; or, uh...maybe we "helped" mom gather them up to clean up the grass. Either way, that smell of dry maple leaves has left quite a dent in my mind.

Today I was out for a walk with my camera. I walked through thousands of yellow and burnt orange leaves and kicked up the smell that instantly transport me back to my 7 year old self under our big maple tree in the back yard. I almost smells like hay, but there's a distinct flavor to this leaf. I could nearly imagine walking in the house with pieces of orange hanging from my hair, or attached to my clothes, or stuck in my velco shoes.

The colors here, this year, are second-to-none. I thought I would miss the autumn in the midwest without all the trees turning, but I have found a spectacular showing out in the Evergreen State this year.

ushering in a new decade

If you did not already know, today is my 30th birthday. I have been looking forward to this day for quite some time now and actually, look past it, towards what the future holds in my life. This is hopefully a turning point, a new beginning, a day to usher in a new decade of change, new experiences, new friendships, and another batch of adventures (after all, I still have two continents to find my way to, yet). My emergency medical insurance went up $5 per month. I fit a new demographic, but people still ask me if I'm "in school." That will keep me young, but the question is starting to annoy me (seriously, do I look 19?). I'm going for 26. That seemed to be a good age to stall at. I checked this morning and I do look remarkably the same as I did yesterday, though.

Last night, I visited my friend, Maria, in Abbotsford, British Columbia for hot chocolate and three hours of great conversation. On the way home, I realized how amazing it was that we were friends nearly 15 years ago and now that friendship has been restored again this year. I've been doubly blessed!

I also found it amazing that I came full circle. I was born in Abbotsford. So, last night, I was back in the same town where my mom was laboring for my life thirty years ago! And look how many fascinating things have filled that time since!

Thanks for the phone calls, e-cards, e-mails, notes, and postings. It's been fun; keep them coming. I intend to continue celebrating for a week, or two yet! And, if you haven't sent your birthday postcard to me (see above, or click here), I have plenty of them to send out yet!

flaming accusations

I have remained undecided on my vote for the Presidency. While I am leaning one way, I have decided not to let on who I will vote for because I know people on both sides of the ticket who would argue wildly with my decision. I dislike discussing politics. I don't want to argue. I don't want to get e-mails from anyone trying to swing my vote. There.

On a separate note, directed to my Christian friends: I have to say that I am disappointed to be a Christian in light of some of the comments coming from my more stereotypically white, conservative, Christian friends. I detest the fact that people can think to call Obama the anti-christ, or a Muslim, or someone who will only hurt the country, or bring destruction. What provokes you? He has proclaimed that he is a Christian man. I disagree with some of his political positions (particularly as a pro-life advocate), but that absolutely does not give me right to judge his Christian faith.

In a perfect Christian world, we would be able to confront him personally with our concerns and challenge his beliefs. That is what I intend to do in this blog: Challenge your judgemental attitudes.

I am embarrassed because, as a Christian community, we are to show love to everyone. Instead what I see coming out of some people's mouths are words of distaste, libel, and hate towards Obama that do not render good will or any sort of grace that we should generously give to all God's people.

I challenge you to use the same words, the same confrontational tactics, face-to-face to any sinning member of your church community (there are a lot of folks to use this on; since we all fall short). Tell them, to their face, that they are the anti-christ, call them a Muslim, or Buddhist, Jew, or Baha'i, because of the way they look, walk, or talk; even after they've told you they are a Christian. Or, tell them that their efforts to improve their workplace, their community, or their country will be condemnable because you disagree with how they understand an issue or have sought to solve a problem.

If Barack Obama is the leader our country elects, it's by God's grace that he will be in office. We are called to respect those in power; whether it be Bill (or Hillary) Clinton, George Bush, John McCain, or Barack Obama. We are fortunate, as Christians, to have two Christ-seeking candidates running for our nations highest office. They are asking God for direction as any Christian would. Each candidate's motivations are his best effort at understanding what God wants for his life and this country. We can criticize viewpoints and question tactics, but do not personally attack men who are Christ followers.

Obama has made it clear that he is a Christian. His family prays together. They attend church regularly. If elected, it does not mean that power won't go to his head. It doesn't mean he will make the perfect decisions, or has the ideal perspective. I guarantee John McCain will fall short in these areas, as well, if he is elected. Both candidates are fallen. We see that in their attack ads and their messy debates. Each of us is fallen, too.

and the problem is this:
we were bought with a kiss
but the cheek still turned even when it wasn't hit
and I don't know what to do with a love like that

when all the love in the world is right here among us;
and hatred too
so we must choose what our hands will do

and the problem it seems is with you and me
not the Love who came to repair everything

where there is pain, let there be grace
where there is suffering, bring serenity
for those afraid, help them be brave
where there is misery, bring expectancy
and surely we can change something...

...the whole world's about to change.
-- surely we can change, david crowder band --

Use your vote. Be careful in your judgement. Do not gossip, or give false impressions about your brothers and sisters in Christ. Seek to build them up; however humble and fallen they may be.

I'm getting off my soap box now.

not where they are supposed to be

One of the ideas my new book gave me was to find things that are out of place in their surroundings. I have taken a few notes for a few days and here are some things that I came up with.

I found this maple leaf floating in the ocean. Streams and rivers team with autumn leaves, but I never pictured a deciduous leaf changing color in salt water!

...or how about a Rock festival in Antarctica. This article made the news in a popular magazine, Blender. It's pretty cool when I know all of the bands and all of the folks quoted here! But who would think there could be such a celebration outside on the earth's harshest continent?

...or, how about sitting in a coffee shop, trying to catch up on e-mails only to hear toddlers screaming, five kids running around between tables and chairs, and babies crying. I certainly don't mean to deter parents from stopping in for a coffee with their kids in tow, but I thought my cozy little coffee haven had turned into a nursery!

...or check out this telephone pole; completely overgrown in trees and bushes. The communication here is by tweet or chirp (and I'm not referring to nextel).

...or seeing litter in bushes and grass, wrapped around vines and floating down a river.

...or this crab, who may be in the right environment, but at some point, was in the wrong place at the wrong time; no life here.

This sort of reflects my life right now. I feel misplaced, unglued, and a misfit in my environment. But, there's a reason and purpose behind this time. The only thing I can do is pick my head up, put the past seven months behind me, and continue to walk forward.

thoughtfully creative

I received a book today. I came from an old friend of my sister's who has become my friend via our blogs. She sent the gift because she thought it reflected something of me. The book is called, How to be an Explorer of the World by Keri Smith. It's not what you'd expect, but great for me, nonetheless. It's not so much about traveling the earth; although, that can help, but more about exploring the world you find yourself in each new day.

The book begins with T.S. Eliot's quote: We shall not cease from exploration and at the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time (this was me when I moved back to Washington last year).

Within the first two pages I was hooked on the eclectic creativity within these pages. Now I have a creative-idea-source to draw from, assignments to contemplate, and new ways of perceiving the world around me; especially when I'm bored.

I knew this was especially suited to me. When I perused through the pages and found "exploration #33: arrangements," of which part of the idea is to collect something. Leaves were the featured example. Strangely enough, this afternoon on my walk, prior to getting the book in the mail, I collected some bright red leaves that caught my attention and I was ironically thinking of how I could arrange them.

The book is one of the more well-thought-of gifts I've received lately! Thank you, Angie!

southwesty

Today I flipped to the other side of the border and began feeling a little southwesty (in terms of British Columbia that is). I spent most of my day in Abbotsford (Canada) today with my friend, Maria, and her lovely family of in-laws.

I joined she and her husband for church where the message began with a quote from Thomas Merton: "To hope is to risk frustration. Therefore, make up your mind to risk frustration." Frustration and hope; two concepts that I am most familiar with! That sort of clobbered me over the head as some heavy food for thought; although, I do not have to think long to know I have been so frustrated that I'm afraid to hope.

After the service, we had a mouthwatering breakfast of raspberry pancakes before heading off with her to Harrison; home of the hot springs.

The last time I had been up this direction was for our high school choir tour. I have pictures of us wandering around the lake between the mountains. The hot springs in the area have been funneled into a pool and are the very springs that one of my siblings decided to poop in at age one, or two. The entire pool was evacuated for cleaning. I remember I was learning to dog paddle that day with my friend, Nick, and brother, Matt.

Maria and I did not visit the pool today, though. Instead we looked in on the sand castle contest that was still standing on the shores of the lake and took a brisk walk in some slightly rainy weather. The area is still gorgeous; even under a cloud cover and it was great to spend time with a friend again.

We arrived back in Abbotsford to a wonderful lunch of barbecued chicken and some fantastic bread with good family conversation all around me. I sure beat spending the afternoon cooking for myself again; although, I have eaten quite healthy this week. It's always nice to have company.

I am becoming rather attached to the idea of working north of the border. British Columbia has some amazing and spectacular scenery. Maria and I found this out when we failed to read the appropriate signs to put us back on the most direct road home. We certainly were not disappointed with our drive in the hills and along the Fraser River. The yellow trees, green grass and blues of the hills were quite vibrant when the sun peaked through the mostly-cloudy skies. The afternoon away made for a simply wonderful Sunday!

some thoughts

I never did find my Brazilian coffee beans to bring back; it seems that they ship most of their premium crops out of the country (it's a huge export), and while the coffee shops do a good job serving their cafe, it's difficult to find the whole beans. I came back with far fewer souvenirs for my family and friends than I had intended and I never got the sticker for my water bottle. I did, however have a fantastic trip to reclaim some of my independence, and find some brand new amazing stories to tell. I learned to speak my language much more clearly and slowly, and to travel respectfully in someone else's land.

I also took home a very important understanding of prayer. I prayed for a lot of little, and sometimes inconsequential things while I was there. Some were for safety, some for finding a hotel room, some for getting tickets, or arriving on time, or finding my way somewhere, or communicating with someone, or being able to find a cash machine, or internet access. The list of little prayers whispered up to God goes on and on.

In each of these prayers God answered me. He provided every step of the way. He allowed me to find an adventure around nearly every corner. Sometimes he answered them right away and sometimes he let me sweat it out. Still other times he rerouted my plans and made my experience much more meaningful.

I feel like part of the reason I went on this trip was so that I could apply these little traveling mercies to my bigger journey of finding a new place and job. He certainly hasn't answered my prayers immediately and has me anxious and downright frustrated at times. But, he is still there. He's got something planned, and it will be by God's grace that I find a job when his timing is right.

I pulled out some old cards and letters today and found a brilliant card from my friend, Erin. The first year I went to Antarctica, she sent me this great expression of what I had done with my life. I went from a structured and organized life in the Chicago area to a new colorful adventure in Antarctica (and beyond). I pulled it out at exactly the right time; it was a super reminder that I have been able to color my life with a wealth of experiences in places and with people I never would have encountered had I stayed in Illinois. It makes this time of waiting in life much more palatable. I would not change the way anything has come to pass.